The Fight

Today I am going to deviate from the narrative of my on-going fictional story to discuss some thoughts that I have had about something that is real - depression and anxiety.  I know, this is probably a little bit shocking for some of you who have been reading the story, but I recently had a conversation with a friend who struggles with anxiety and depression.  I was completely unaware that he was having any such struggles, but there he was talking about it.  Not being afraid.

He recently started a website/blog with the purpose of bringing the real struggle of depression and anxiety out of the shadows and into the light.  Check it out: http://www.skatetofight.com/

            The results of any one of the “Left Brain or Right Brain” tests that I have taken are always the same – 92-96% right-brained.  The right side of the brain is the control center for creativity, imagination, intuition, art, feelings, visualization, daydreaming, etc.  When I make observations, typically they stem from captivating visuals that spark some sort of feeling.  I vividly remember beams of sunlight breaking through autumn leaves, scattering bright rays of light on the ground.  I remember it because of the warmth that I feel on my face.  The image is cemented in my mind as goosebumps make the hair on my arms stand on end.  I remember it because I think that what I see would make a dynamic painting.  When I finally make it home I begin to paint.

            It is through this colorful filter that the world around me is viewed.  That is what the chemical makeup in my brain dictates, so that is how my surroundings are perceived.  But, what if someone feels no warmth on their face, despite the fact that it’s there?  Some people drive to work or stay at home with their kids in a world that is seemingly devoid of warmth and color.  Some people can’t hear the contagious laughter around them as they sit, all alone, in a room full of loving family and friends.  This is how anxiety and depression have affected my life.  My struggle isn’t a personal struggle, but it is for my mother, who has struggled and fought against it for 8 years.

            I have watched, somewhat helplessly at times, as she has drown in the physically, mentally, emotionally debilitating monster that is anxiety.  I have listened as she has fought to crawl out of the suffocating dark of depression while the people around her continue to smile, interact, and enjoy the color of life.  Despite a degree in Psychology and multiple classes specifically devoted to counseling, I can’t completely understand what she is going through, but I know that it is real.  It is impossible for me to fully relate to my mother or anyone who fights anxiety and depression every day, but I know that it is there, looking them in the eyes wherever they go.

There are a few things that I know that help me to understand.  A combination of formal education and experience with my mother have brought me to these conclusions.  (Keep in mind that these conclusions are based on my own experience.  Each situation is different, so observations and solutions will be different for different situations.  The key is to get up and never stop trying.)

The fight is real.  It is physical.  It is mental.  It is emotional.  Just as patients for any disease may feel drained after overcoming or fighting a sickness, individuals with depression and anxiety feel drained after days, months, and years of fighting.  It is NOT just in your head.  Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.  Sure, there are mental preparation activities and exercises that can help, but anxiety and depression are not imagined struggles.  The perception that you are the only one struggling does not make it any less real.  Please do not let the feeling that your struggle is not real bring you down.  It is real.  Fight it.

You have to allow for help.  Maybe people cannot relate to or do not fully understand what you are going through.  That does not mean that people cannot help.  Friends and family are going to want to help you and that means they may invite you to activities.  You may not feel like participating.  Do not do anything that is going to make you feel worse.  Absolutely do things that may make you feel better.  This may require you to put yourself out there a little bit, and that’s okay.  Just be sure that your positive health and well-being are your priority when deciding whether or not you want to participate in activities.  Try things out so that you can find something the works.  This does not mean that you are going to find something that works every time.  Be patient and fight.

You are not alone.  Whether you find solace in the company of others who can fully relate to your struggle or in the company of supportive friends and family who do not share your struggle, this conclusion remains the same.  You are not alone.  I know that you feel that you are alone, but, I cannot emphasize enough that you are not.  People care.  People are there.  People want to help and support you.

Whatever your struggle may be, whether it be anxiety, depression, or both, please do not stop fighting.  Your fight is as real as the fight against any other disease or ailment.  For some of you depression may be in the rear-view mirror, but the fight to stay ahead continues.  Some of you are staring this hulking monster dead in the eyes.  Keep staring.  Never back down.  You can do this.  Fight.